Finding Myself in Japan: A Journey to SelfLove

As I started my morning walk, something I hadn’t done in weeks because of the heavy snowfall here in Japan, I put on my headphones and played Mei-Lan’s Angelic Tones. Her peaceful, angelic voice immediately touched my heart. Her music has a way of opening up those hidden layers within us, the ones we’ve kept closed. If you haven’t listened to her yet, I highly recommend it.

Before heading out, I set an intention: to feel more balanced, aligned, and harmonious within myself. As I walked, I marveled at the beautiful blue sky, the trees in their abundance of shapes and sizes, and the way the sunlight hit me just right. I opened my vision to the vastness of this beautiful country, and a sudden, overwhelming wave of gratitude, appreciation, joy, calmness, and peace washed over me. I felt those emotions throughout my body, and my heart expanded with love for who I was, in that moment.

Looking down at my legs, I thanked them for carrying me through four decades of life. Then I shifted my gratitude upward, to my torso, which had carried and nurtured two beautiful children. I gave thanks to my arms for all the hugs I’ve given and received, and to my hands for preparing meals, folding clothes, touching, and creating.

As I continued walking, I realized how much these past three years in Japan had changed me. This country became the space where I truly confronted myself—the pain, the trauma, and the wounds I had carried for so long. Living in a place where I didn’t speak the language, couldn’t read the signs, and understood little of the culture forced me to face the solitude I was feeling inside. At first, I thought my sadness was about leaving Europe, a place I had loved so much and where I had discovered more of myself. But as time passed, I realized that my deeper commitment to the universe, to God, to the divine, was to go even deeper within myself. And that’s exactly what happened.

When I first arrived in Japan, I felt lonely, disconnected, and at times completely lost. I blamed it on losing loved ones, leaving behind the excitement of traveling across Europe, and learning about my father’s illness—the heartbreaking realization that the relationship I had longed for with him would never materialize in this lifetime.

But deep down, the truth was that I wasn’t just losing external things. I was losing the connection to myself. Little Maria, the inner child within me, had been crying out for years to be seen and heard—not by others, but by me.

As I kept walking, it became clear that Japan had given me the space I needed to confront my pain. The guilt for what I had done or left undone. The shame over behaviors I wasn’t proud of. The sadness of feeling unloved by the external world. I had already begun liberating myself from these burdens, but Japan saw me in my rawest moments. Japan saw me cry and sob uncontrollably, sometimes falling to my knees, as I transformed those heavy emotions into freedom. Japan saw me dance by the ocean, skipping like a little girl again and again. Japan heard me scream, “No more!” as I released whatever was holding me back from becoming my truest self. Japan sparked my creativity and gave me the courage to start blogging. It gave me the solitude I needed to reconnect with my heart—my anchor, my forever Valentine.

As I write this, I realize we are all yearning for the same thing: love, wholeness, and the deep understanding that we are enough. But unless we take the time to sit with ourselves and truly listen, we won’t find it. The most intimate relationship we’ll ever have is the one we cultivate with ourselves. Like any relationship, it requires attention, nurturing, patience, and time to grow.

The past few years have been incredibly challenging, but I’m grateful for the moments when I tenderly asked myself: What do I need? What is holding me back? Where are my blind spots? Where do I need to grow? Most importantly, I learned to extend myself limitless grace, compassion, and forgiveness for the times I didn’t show up as my best self.

This journey of SelfLove is ongoing. But as we peel away the layers of what love is not, we uncover the truth: everything we’ve been searching for outside of us has always been within.

Happy Valentine’s Day

And remember: I believe in you.